Jesus ♥ LGBTQI+

I’m sorry, God, but your believers have become obsessed with other people’s sex lives and judgements. They’re obsessing about whether you would condone homosexuality and yelling from the Twitter rooftops that gay and lesbians are headed for hell. If what’s being said by Israel Folau and Lyle Shelton is true, and you plan on sending the entire LGBTQI+ community to hell, then my only conclusion is: you’re a complete douchebag.

According to the bible, God, you came down to chat with Moses and gave him some pretty significant rules everyone now had to live by after leaving Egypt. In these ten commandments, there was not one single line of, “Thou shalt not be gay or transgender”. Did you forget to include it? How could you make such a grave error when there was a whole social sector headed for hell? That’s pretty poor warning on your part, buddy. If I was a god, I’d use that pretty conspicuous rules handout for an opportunity to let people know they might be facing eternal damnation. Just sayin’. But I understand things like that can slip your mind sometimes. I’m sure being worshipped all the time can get pretty distracting. So, then you had another crack at an eleventh commandment when you sent your son down to Earth to fix everything. Jesus brought a new commandment: that you love one another as God has loved you. Well, that doesn’t really clear anything up, does it? Once again, no reference to gays, lesbians, bisexuals and how to avoid being one. Why not? So, in eleven commandments that you gave to us woeful sinners, you didn’t think it would be prudent to spell out that loving someone of your own gender was the greatest sin of them all and there’d be plenty of us heading to the fiery pits of hell? That’s a pretty dick move, mister, even for a god.

What else could be gleaned by your omission in these vitally important moral rules? Maybe it’s just not your top priority sin when it comes to sorting humans into heaven/hell categories. Could it be that you exist on a higher plane than us, as a deity and all that, and our minute brains couldn’t possibly understand the perspectives of a purely objective and all-knowing spirit? No way! We’re pretty smart down here, mate, and we’re made in your image, so we know what we’re talking about. It doesn’t matter that there’s hundreds of different versions of the bible and it’s been translated into thousands of languages, was written down many thousands of years ago and transcribed by people who were illiterate.  We never misunderstand your word.

Let’s look at it differently then. Let’s try to see who is actually going to make it to heaven according to the many rules of the bible. Well, Paul in a letter to Corinthians rules out the unrighteous, immoral, idolators, adulterers, sexual perverts, thieves, greedy, drunkards, revilers, and robbers[1]. I’m pretty sure that covers every single one of us on earth several times over, so I think we’re all out of contention in the kingdom of god race. Thanks, god, for dangling an unattainable carrot in front of us for all these years. But hang on, it was only another human, Paul, who said these things. He can get it wrong too, can’t he? After all, he used to be that guy Saul who was a nasty little git. What would he know? Saul/Paul was an extremist who killed people opposing his religious stance, so I’m not really sure why we should put any stock in what he says anyway. It’s pretty weird that modern Christians would follow the teachings written in letters by a murderous religious extremist who appointed himself as an anointed apostle to Jesus yet had never actually crossed paths with him.

I’m pretty sure your kid, Jesus, was a bit more knowledgeable on these matters than Saul/Paul. Jesus spent time with the lepers and the prostitutes and the tax collector. Mmm, Jesus seemed to really like the people that the church leaders held with some disdain and he was pretty critical of those teaching religions. That’s interesting. Not so keen on the rich folk either, telling them to give away all their possessions to the poor and that it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of god.[2] I wonder whether Israel Folau has retained his possessions and wealth or whether he’s given it all away to the poor as Jesus instructed someone who had already followed all the commandments.

I wonder what the sermon on the mount is…oh, this looks promising for the LGBTQI+ community, “Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you.”[3] And then Jesus talks about judgement[4] and apparently life is all about looking after people who need our help. That seems ok to me. It would seem that those of us who look after others rather than persecute or ignore them are a chance of getting to heaven. Jesus also said, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.[5]” I probably wouldn’t want to get that judgement wrong if you are sticking your neck out on a particular topic. Given that not every theologian agrees on the biblical stance of homosexuality and hell, it seems you’re a huge chance of getting that wrong. And if you’ve judged people to eternal fiery brimstone, it could well be you’re condemning yourself to that very same judgment. It’s that karma concept, really.

If modern Christians are using Saul/Paul’s teachings to persecute the LGBTQI+ community, then they’re not necessarily following Jesus’ teachings. Jesus and Saul/Paul are not interchangeable in their teachings or their knowledge. Judgementalism is ugly and public persecution is uglier still. I’m confident the public condemnation of the LGBTQI+ community would never have been the actions of Jesus. He would be with them and have them washing his feet or maybe washing theirs. Jesus was love to the minorities and the persecuted. It was people like the Folaus and the Sheltons that suffered Jesus’ corrections and preachings; that they may understand his new commandment of loving one another. After two thousand odd years, that message has really struggled to permeate Christianity.

I don’t mind this Jesus guy. Don’t even get me started on Saul/Paul. God, you’re not a very nice dude and I’m not a fan but you got it right with your kid. Good on ya for that, but can you shut up the douchebags made in your image? Cheers.

[1] 1 Corinthians 6:9

[2] Matthew 19:20-24

[3] Matthew 5:11

[4] Matthew 25:31-46

[5] Matthew 7:1-5