Is forgiveness an excuse to escape the law?

I’m sorry God, but forgiveness seems to be an extremely confusing term in the Christian realm.  I know plenty of people that listen to sermons about forgiveness yet fail to comprehend the meaning of the term or ever put the concept into action.  Religions hold themselves aloft as the moral guide for humanity, but religion uses forgiveness as a buzz word.  Does anyone actually know what it truly means?  Is it practised frequently in life and with any great conviction?  The fact that we have the word, unforgivable, implies we’ve already characterised certain activity that isn’t ever going to gain forgiveness.

I recently spoke to a close friend unduly harshly and challenged them about a deeply personal matter.  I feel awful about my pathetic and careless handling of the whole thing and have since approached the situation in order to work through the matter, but to no avail.  Suddenly we have a situation where the atheist is approaching the Christian asking for forgiveness and the Christian is denying it.  Here’s a stymied situation that benefits nobody.

Having been sexually assaulted as a young teen, I owned the concept of un-forgiveness.  I held onto this concept until...actually I still hold onto this concept somewhat.  I’m still a victim that has to come to terms with my own “victim-hood” every time it comes back to haunt me.  Do I forgive those men that crime? Well, yeah, sort of; in that I can exist carrying the scars of that for the rest of my life with minimal malice. Do my daydreams choose to wander back and investigate those events that incurred the scars? No, of course not – are you insane?!  That pain is still incredibly sharp.  I have to take into account the twenty-odd years that have passed and apply objectivity: I live in a place of “best-possible forgiveness”. I can exist comfortably without too many hurdles because I know where my hurt lives.  I’m frequently required to re-forgive though.

Recently, I decided to finally talk to people about my sexual assault of many years ago.  Nothing could have prepared me for the varied responses I received, particularly within church circles. I was challenged by one to acknowledge the spiritual change in the perpetrators, as one was now a fine upstanding church man, and apply the spirit of forgiveness to them.  He commented that, “If you had truly forgiven them, you wouldn’t need to report them to the police.  You would be able to move on.”  This is where I simply have to draw the line. I am the victim, aren’t I?  I am the one who was violated.  Yet, apparently I am the one, also, who is unforgiving.  So, I have to endure all the years of pain, the dysfunctional relationships, the depression, and the years of internal struggles regarding a hatred of men, all in silence and never achieve a sense of justice?  That is absolutely beyond what I am capable of accomplishing as a human being.  That is a hurtful implication for me, given I feel like I’ve spent the last twenty-one years in a state of constant personal growth and understanding the complicated nature of forgiveness specifically aimed at this sort of event. 

So, that leads me to my examination of forgiveness and what that concept essentially means to me.  When I forgive do I stop demanding retribution?  I don’t believe I do.  I certainly cease my feelings of resentment towards that person.  What I realise is that I apply an expectation on other people.   I expect that the person involved will act in a similarly mature fashion and recognise their potential offense.   In practise it doesn’t happen much but I still have the expectation.  I believe asking forgiveness from another person is true humiliation, forsaking all pride, and an acknowledgement of wrongdoing.  Something is only “unforgivable” when one or both of the parties refuse to acknowledge and embrace the growth necessary to allow forgiveness to occur.  This would incorporate a situation where the parties are now spiritually stunted and emotionally hurt and resentful. 

I believe forgiveness operates outside the justice system, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that any acts committed also operate outside the justice system.  Because I forgive someone, it doesn’t mean their behaviour is excused by society as a whole.  As humans, we are bound by our cultural and social laws to the same extent as to any spiritual laws we value.  Use my personal example; I don’t see that my forgiveness should mean the crime remains unreported and, therefore, unpunished by society’s rules.  My challenging friend asked me, “If the men came and offered an apology, would you avoid reporting the matter to the police?”  These men have had twenty-one years to examine themselves and come forward and issue me with an apology yet it hasn’t happened.  That certainly could have helped me deal with my own psychological issues over the years and maybe I would not have needed to talk to the police about it. Any apology now, though, is made in a coerced manner to avoid punishment and not out of self-conviction for any wrongdoing.  How could I put any stock in that to further aid forgiveness?

The comments made in relation to avoiding police involvement beg the question: Does religion feel that it does not need to abide by legislative law and is held accountable only by a higher power?  The Catholic Church has been guilty of hiding crimes against children by their clergy for years and years.  It would seem their behaviour supports this sentiment.  I cannot agree in any person or organisation being above the law of the society in which they live; be it due to money, social standing, celebrity status, religion.  Just because a person happens to believe in a higher power does not give that person an escape clause from legislation.  Why should I feel guilty about applying criminal law to a perpetrator who is a Christian?  These people are members of society just like me.  I am bound by the laws of this land and so is everyone else. As a victim, I was forced to embrace the social system for my restitution and recovery.  As perpetrators, shouldn’t they be forced to embrace the social system for their restitution and recovery?   

If I had been able to report the incident at the time, this would all be a moot point anyway.  Their behaviour would have been immediately examined by an authority figure.  So, why should a Christian ask that forgiveness now take the place of punishment after the fact?   Jesus Christ never put himself above common law, so why would some Christians think they can?  In fact, that is what caused him to be crucified.  Jesus offered himself up to the law of the day, however unfair it may have seemed at the time and regardless of the consequences.